


A Love Suicide

by ElderFairy



Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: F/M, Somewhat NSFW-ish
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-12
Updated: 2018-08-12
Packaged: 2019-06-26 11:11:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,795
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15662061
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ElderFairy/pseuds/ElderFairy
Summary: it was a love better off dead





	A Love Suicide

**Author's Note:**

> okay so…this didn’t finish with the plan i originally had. it’s also somewhat nsfw towards the end but nothing explicit. i wanted to tackle simon’s history and add a bit of angst in it. also, there’s no suicide mentions in this, despite the title. enjoy! 
> 
> follow me at saint-fiore on tumblr for more writings!

**system processing**

**….ERROR UNKNOWN**

he was slowly becoming something else. not just android anymore, but something much more. simon wasn’t the arrogant sort, nor was he predisposed to think of himself as a failure of creation. he was, theoretically speaking, fine as any other androids of his model. except there was one little error in him that his diagnoses can’t reach – can’t self repair.

love.

he knew of the word, definition and all. he understood it from the movies and television shows he watched with you. he read it from the books you gave him, the stories you gifted him, and the way he saw it written on his face in invisible ink.

he was in love. at first, it was a monstrous thought that clawed at his innards, disrupting the circuits and processors within his inorganic body. so, of course, he tried repairing; he tried everything but nothing worked. nothing worked so he tried to hide it best he could by keeping his words silent and temperaments even.

you didn’t like that.

“simon, you’ve been so quiet these days. what’s wrong?” was your response to all of this. your patient eyes searched his face, hoping there may be a clue. you can’t see anything, he was good at it. at least, that was what he hoped.

then, simon noticed how the tips of your finger touched the exposed skin on his wrist. warmth and overwhelming affection stirred within him. he wanted to pull you in, embrace you and –

“i’m fine,” he responded, in the same polite tone he carried since the day he arrived at your apartment. however, it was getting harder to suppress the thoughts within himself.

you hummed, tugging the edge of his sleeve lightly, eyes still moving all over him. simon wondered why he decided to let you pick out his clothes. you told him that he didn’t have to dress the same way as an android. he could look more human if he wanted to, so you gave him clothes bought from human stores. maybe he was already flawed from that day when he exchanged his cyberlife outfit for this.

those outfits were now another permanent reminder of his feelings for you. every day he found himself growing more and more attached to these clothes designed for humans, all because of you.

“just tell me if something’s wrong, okay?” you gave him a wink and a smile, which caused another irregular pump of thirium to course through his system. he decided to look away, but not before he caught your smile faltering.

he wondered if his face was showing something else. it must have upset you enough to make your smile waver.

“understood.”

by god did he sound foolish and useless.

days bled into weeks and weeks bled into months. with time, simon realized that there was something wrong within him. he was in love, yes, but it wasn’t the mechanical love that cyberlife had mistakenly installed inside him. after all, he was no traci model nor was he a model designed to love anyone.

he was thinking, too, having thoughts and a disposition to feel emotions which weren’t in his default programming. so naturally he started exploring when he had the time, and soon he discovered something. there had been rumors among the androids, about a place only deviants knew.

jericho, a place of freedom and hope for those like him.

regardless, simon chose to stay by your side and remain as such until you didn’t need him anymore. but, he wanted you to want him, just as much as he wanted you, if not more.

“oh look simon, how romantic!” you said, tugging at his sleeve as you pointed at a couple far ahead. the man was proposing to the woman with a bouquet of roses. people cheered and some took out their phones to record the proposal.

he was thinking again, about what would happen if he was the one who got down on his knee and you were the one standing before him. would you turn him away? say yes and cry and then embrace him?

he still wanted to try embracing you. your body will be so warm and soft and nice to feel.

that same night, simon was in your room. you had gone out with friends for dinner, so that left him with nothing to do. most of the times, he would be idle, free to do anything until you came home. his previous owners put him on standby mode whenever they weren’t home. you were gracious, far too kind for your own good.

so here he was, in the neatly kept room you owned. it was small, sparse, but free of dust. in the beginning, he cleaned and organized everything here. but when you decided to start cleaning on your own time, he was moved to other duties.

you said you didn’t want to overwork him. naturally, he told you he was designed to work as much as possible. he couldn’t tire, unlike humans.

those first few months with you were blissful. he was content with his duties and you were so animated in your personality. now, he wasn’t sure. his deviancy led him to forego talking and declining your invitations to movies and other entertainments. slowly, you stopped talking to him.

and then, that was when simon found out about your boyfriend.

it wasn’t fair, really. but it was what it was. humans will never fall in love with androids, and androids will never earn their happy ending. this wasn’t a romance movie; this was reality.

he did the best he could with what little he can. your bed was made but simon found it hard to ignore and so, he lied down on it. your scent was overwhelming here, but most of all, it was the thought of you sharing a bed with him at night.

then, maybe he can finally embrace you and touch you. he can kiss you like how those people kissed in movies and televisions.

no, he didn’t just want to kiss you. he wanted something much, much more. it was the heat that had coursed through his body, making him tremble and want to be held and touched. simon felt disgusted but he couldn’t deny the allure of phantom hands caressing his skin, imagining that it was you who was sensually speaking words of love to him.

for the first time, he was touching himself. his face blue and eyes closed, features twisted in a shameful display of lust and need. the apartment was silent and he took the silence as permission to cry out for you.

“…simon?” your voice cut through like a knife.

simon bolted up and out of your bed, clothes wrinkled, and hair a mess from its original shape. he was still blue in the face, perhaps even more so as he looked at you.

you were still dressed in the outfit you wore when you left. but it was your expression which concerned him, no, terrified him. shock and, perhaps, fear was painted on your face.

“(name), i..” he stopped, feeling himself stumble over his words. if only his system will shut down right now, prevent him from doing anything worse. and yet, a part of him, a large part, wanted to continue. “i love you.” there was a long silence afterward. simon noticed how you trembled and suddenly, he found himself moving towards you.

“simon!” you cried out as he swept you into the embrace he always dreamed of. you were here, soft and warm and everything he dreamed of. he didn’t want to leave you, he didn’t want to let you go. “…please stop.”

the words felt more like a tidal wave. it was harsh and biting, so unlike the way he thought it would go. immediately, he pulled back, hoping that the distance will placate your emotions, allow you to realize that his feelings were right. he wanted you to say ‘i love you’ back to him. instead, you turned your head, face revealing nothing as you looked anywhere but him.

and that, simon thought, just won’t do.

“(name)…please, look at me,” he begged, taking a step forward just as you took one back. the small room felt even smaller, but the distance between you was quite the opposite. simon extended out a arm, hoping you will allow him to touch your cheek. instead, you turned and slapped his hand away.

“no i can’t, simon, i’m sorry,” you begin, voice shaky. “if my parents find out they will deactivate you and send you back.”

“they don’t have to know,” was simon’s almost-curt and desperate reply. in return, you frowned and seem to be contemplating something. simon’s thirium regulator was pumping faster, every system in his body whirring and moving at a pace that concerned him. but what was even more concerning was the hopelessness in all of this.

“–and, i have a boyfriend.”

“i know.”

you looked at him, again, a different kind of surprise re-written across your face. simon smiled sadly at you, hoping it will quell the tension. “you weren’t exactly subtle with your phone calls with him.” despite everything, he still tried to remain gentle and soft. for one day, he hoped that you would come to cherish and love these things about him, just like he did with you.

“i’m sorry but i can’t, i can’t accept your love,” you told him, still unable to meet his gaze as you slowly started shattering the small hope that was building within him. “you are an android, simon. we can’t be together.”

“we can!” simon cried out in response, desperate and heavy. “i don’t care if you are human. i just want to love you and you to love me back.”

you shook your head. simon noticed the disappointment on your face, how obvious and how prominent it was. he had never seen you like this before and he was scared.

“perhaps, it would be better for us if i reset you.” you smiled, sadly at him. there wasn’t an ounce of remorse, nor kinder words that followed. that was when simon decided that he should have hated you for what you said. he wasn’t just an android anymore, he was –

“but, i’m alive.”

“i know, simon,” came your response.

and just like that, the pieces that he were trying to hold together crumbled. even his body was going into a semi-repair mode, thinking that there was something wrong with him. simon was in a state of shock, and you took that opportunity to quietly leave the room. all you left was the aftermath of a broken attempt to confess his feelings.

and an android that wished he could kill his love for you.


End file.
